Here Comes Santa Claus

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A Holiday Filled with Joy...Day 19

You better watch out...Santa Claus is coming to town! He knows if you've been good or bad. He's making his list and checking it twice. Santa is a busy guy!

Here's a few fun facts related to Santa:

Santa Stats

• U.S. has 78 people registered under S. Claus and one under Kriss Kringle
• December is the most popular month for nose jobs.
• Weight of Santa's sleigh loaded with one Beanie Baby for every kid on earth: 333,333 tons.
• Number of reindeers required to pull a 333,333-ton sleigh: 214,206 plus Rudolph.
• Average wage of a mall Santa: $11 an hour. With real beard: $20.
• To deliver all his gifts in one night, Santa would have to make 822.6 visits per second (at 3,000 times the speed of sound).
• At that speed, Santa and his reindeers would instantaneously burst into flames in Earth's atmosphere just like meteors.

How about these...would a man or woman make a better Santa?

Santa Claus is a woman because:

• The vast majorities of men don't even think about selecting gifts until Christmas Eve and only go for a last-minute shopping spree.
• Even if the male Santa did have reindeer, he would inevitably get lost up there in the snow and clouds and then refuse to stop and ask for directions.
• For a Santa man, there would be unavoidable delays in the chimney, where the Bob Vila-like Santa would stop to inspect and repaint bricks in the flue.
• He would also need to check for carbon monoxide fumes in every gas fireplace, and get under every Christmas tree that is crooked to straighten it to a perfectly upright 90-degree angle.
• Men can't pack a bag.
• Men wouldn't be caught wearing red velvet.
• Men don't answer their mail.
• Men would refuse to allow their physique to be described even in jest as anything remotely resembling a "bowlful of jelly."

Santa Claus is undoubtedly a man because:

• Santa doesn't deliver his presents on The Friday after Thanksgiving when the malls are open for 20 hours. Christmas Eve deliveries prove Mr. Claus to be a man.
• Only a male Santa can ignore 'fashion' and wear the same suit for 500 years.
• Santa has never been known to answer a letter.
• Only men have the ability to stay up for 24 hours straight in the cold with a bunch of mangy deer and going up and down soot-infested chimneys.
• A woman would never even think of going down a chimney and risk staining that red velvet.